I like to think that I am an open person, both personally and professionally, approachable and non judgemental, but that is too simple. We all have to make judgements continually in order to survive in the world. So what does it really mean? In my professional life I use unconditional positive regard as the bridge for relational understanding of the person speaking with me. It is a vital tool for communication often of the most traumatic kind. However professional one is, the effects of hearing another’s trauma affects one’s own being, simply as transference or projection. Acknowledging this inwardly yet keeping it about the person with you is not simple and takes a toll which one needs to be mindful of and process. The *magic chair* that others have spoken of. All the while having one’s boundaries around your core in place and your phaser set on stun!
Is that boundary a barrier? It can be! My mind likes to think of it as a permeable membrane which filters what comes through and what is allowed out. Most people use barriers in their lives predominantly to prevent the outside gaining entry into their core. I have been thinking about how much I use my boundaries to prevent the leeching out of me! If I wasn’t careful I could unleash myself unchecked upon an unsuspecting person with all the negative implications that has for both of us. A paradox then, being open yet mindfully boundaried for mutual protection. I’m aware of how condescending that sounds with me taking the primary decision over what comes in and goes out. Fluid as it will be different strengths and styles for different people.
Now for the not so comfortable part, personally… how can a person who values openness and respects boundaries be so hidden in themselves? Why does the desire to be seen and understood for who I am not supercede those barriers? I give glimpses of the wolf to a couple of people, but in the background, surrounded by forest, metaphorically speaking. Discernment and instinctively ruled my choices are less fluid in my personal life. A control freak who loves ambiguity and spontaneity, who would have thought it, another paradox!
Convenient theories and rationale excuse my self behaviours, I am growing and travelling along life’s path, observing, testing and pondering meanwhile the core stays hidden in the shadows, revelling in the darkness, enjoying the power of solitude and yet at times it can become lonely…
Thanks for letting me share part of the process I go through as I formulate my values, it’s so cathartic!