Open boundaries

6 Mar

My Boundaries (1)-1

I like to think that I am an open person, both personally and professionally, approachable and non judgemental, but that is too simple. We all have to make judgements continually in order to survive in the world. So what does it really mean?  In my professional life I use unconditional positive regard as the bridge for relational understanding of the person speaking with me. It is a vital tool for communication often of the most traumatic kind.  However professional one is, the effects of hearing another’s trauma affects one’s own being, simply as transference or projection. Acknowledging this inwardly yet keeping it about the person with you is not simple and takes a toll which one needs to be mindful of and process. The *magic chair* that others have spoken of.  All the while having one’s boundaries around your core in place and your phaser set on stun!

Is that boundary a barrier?  It can be! My mind likes to think of it as a permeable membrane which filters what comes through and what is allowed out. Most people use barriers in their lives predominantly to prevent the outside gaining entry into their core.  I have been thinking about how much I use my boundaries to prevent the leeching out of me!  If I wasn’t careful I could unleash myself unchecked upon an unsuspecting person with all the negative implications that has for both of us.  A paradox then, being open yet mindfully boundaried for mutual protection.  I’m aware of how condescending that sounds with me taking the primary decision over what comes in and goes out.  Fluid as it will be different strengths and styles for different people.

Now for the not so comfortable part, personally… how can a person who values openness and respects boundaries be so hidden in themselves?  Why does the desire to be seen and understood for who I am not supercede those barriers? I give glimpses of the wolf to a couple of people, but in the background, surrounded by forest,  metaphorically speaking.  Discernment and instinctively ruled my choices are less fluid in my personal life. A control freak who loves ambiguity and spontaneity, who would have thought it, another paradox!

Convenient theories and rationale excuse my self behaviours, I am growing and travelling along life’s path, observing, testing and pondering meanwhile the core stays hidden in the shadows, revelling in the darkness, enjoying the power of solitude and yet at times it can become lonely…

Thanks for letting me share part of the process I go through as I formulate my values, it’s so cathartic!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Disappointed Idealist

Ranting from the chalkface

Wildlife & Eco Gardens

Passionate organic gardeners


Life and the Garden

This little life of mine.

Living the nightmare with a smile on my face.


Politics For The People


Changing Lives Through Learning

Bert Fulks

Fall. Surrender. Restore. Rise. Repeat.

@PoliceGuvnor - The realities of policing

Follow me on Twitter or Facebook @PoliceGuvnor

Stop Deforestation

Deforestation. Endangered Species.

Graham Wettone

Policing Commentator

The Patchwork Banana

life, love, nature, musings

Square Cop In A Round World

A former cop taking on tough subjects

In Saner Thought

"It is the duty of every man, as far as his ability extends, to detect and expose delusion and error"..Thomas Paine

Cops Against

Find Your Voice

The Secret Barrister

Independent Blogger of the Year, The Comment Awards 2016

Burn Punk London

Just another site


My views on current issues


Fucked In-pain Neurotic etc

The Hippy Geek

One woman's experience of balancing nature and nerd.

The Militant Negro™

Poetry. Politics. Food. Art. Thoughts. Ideas. Opinions. Facts. Truth.

Depressed Detective

30 Year old UK Police Detective, with some Depression, Anxiety and Insomnia issues.

BSC Policing Network

Connecting Policing Researchers In The UK And Beyond


...and a few more of my favourite things

Dave Throup

Environment Agency Manager for Herefordshire and Worcestershire


Feminist activist & researcher.


Just another site

Britain Isn't Eating

The Tory Govn, killing the unemployed, the poor, vulnerable, sick & disabled since 2010.

Ex-PTSD Detective

Retired after thirty years in police. Will dedicate my time to assist all those suffering with PTSD. Will continue to expose the corruption that exists in British policing

SPeye Joe (Welfarewrites)

Joe Halewood writes about tenant and welfare wrongs

Walk a Mile in My Shoes

A walk around the edge of the UK making a noise about mental health


The Human Side of Police Work

Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats


the strongest smile is the one that holds back a tough girls tears. #mentalhealth #recovery From service user to staff nurse but always a stigma warrior...

Finn's Story

The life of a police dog called Finn

Abdullah Imad

I'm not an expert on 'Police use of force'. All I'm doing is using common sense to debunk crooked claims made against the Police!

Take It Easy

Retired, not expired: words from the after(work)life - with occasional music

Saved to Serve

Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ as though God were making his appeal through us.

Exploring Youth Issues

Alan Mackie PhD Student @ Edinburgh University

Media Meditations

500 Words on media, politics, and current events

%d bloggers like this: