Well time to come clean and share that I have a *hidden disability* I won’t bore you with many details just that I live in chronic constant pain. It has a few effects on my life that I resent. The first is decreased mobility at times a pain in the arse when you’ve always been highly active and the second is profound anger.
I am angry nearly all the time, with myself and with the world in general… if I don’t deal with my anger in an appropriate way it turns into another form of hidden disability *depression*.
A complete and utter dark blanket of melancholy descends isolating you from the realities of the world and those around you. You may laugh, smile and appear to the outside world as if there is nothing wrong at all. It is not a deceit it just is. The worst part for me is the isolation. I want people to notice to reach out and interact with me but my walls are too well built to show my turmoil. I occasionally ask for hugs and these help.
Very, very rarely I’ve asked for help. Yes I do have my own counselling but sometimes just a friend to be alongside is the better option. Knowing how to help others does not give you the power to help yourself!
On the 2 occasions I’ve asked for help lately, from people selected from an extremely small pool as I trust no one really, I’ve been ignored by one and carefully listened to by the other. It was a complete surprise to me which person did which as I pride myself on having excellent intuition.
I’m not writing this for sympathy more a catharsis…Also a reminder, if someone, particularly a usually private person asks for your ear for 5 minutes please give it to them. The effect can be truly life changing, the difference between circling the drain and entering it.