Today my brother starts the first of 12 cycles of Folfox chemotherapy, we shared jovial texts this morning. I can’t imagine how he is feeling or how he is going to feel in the weeks ahead.
I do know that without the NHS he wouldn’t be able to afford the treatment so I am extremely thankful that it still exists.
It’s weird, but I am feeling a curious mix of introspection and extrospection. The minutiae of life seem as overwhelming as the largese of existence. I’m musing on whether we are what we perceive ourselves to be, or whether we are what the sum of our actions have made us. Is it neither or both?
Humanity is such a weird thing, we exist in our own thoughts and those who think about us, is this temporal?
I grieve for so many things that I feel are unjust in the world, they affect me and the way I behave. Do I only *care* about injustice because of the sense of righteousness is gives me? Would it be easier to be callously uncaring: robotic? Possibly, but that would be denying part of what I feel makes me me.
Why am I feeling my brother’s chemo more from the perspective of its impact on me and my children than my brother? Why does that change within any given moment?
Why do questions like that comfort me more than concrete answers?
Whatever is happening in your world today I hope you find peace, today all I can manage is chaos