Thoughts

14 Jul

sheep-wolf-shadow

Today my brother starts the first of 12 cycles of Folfox chemotherapy, we shared jovial texts this morning.  I can’t imagine how he is feeling or how he is going to feel in the weeks ahead.

I do know that without the NHS he wouldn’t be able to afford the treatment so I am extremely thankful that it still exists.

It’s weird, but I am feeling a curious mix of introspection and extrospection.  The minutiae of life seem as overwhelming as the largese of existence.  I’m musing on whether we are what we perceive ourselves to be, or whether we are what the sum of our actions have made us.  Is it neither or both?

Humanity is such a weird thing, we exist in our own thoughts and those who think about us, is this temporal?

I grieve for so many things that I feel are unjust in the world, they affect me and the way I behave.  Do I only *care* about injustice because of the sense of righteousness is gives me?  Would it be easier to be callously uncaring: robotic?  Possibly, but that would be denying part of what I feel makes me me.

Why am I feeling my brother’s chemo more from the perspective of its impact on me and my children than my brother?  Why does that change within any given moment?

Why do questions like that comfort me more than concrete answers?

Whatever is happening in your world today I hope you find peace,  today all I can manage is chaos

Namasté

Jules

Advertisements

5 Responses to “Thoughts”

  1. retiredandangry July 14, 2015 at 8:21 am #

    Whatever the answers to your questions, I wish your brother well

  2. maxjfreeman July 14, 2015 at 6:46 pm #

    Love this piece Jules. Its ok to question our motives isnt it? Whatever brings us peace. I hope your brother gets on well with the chemo Jules,and though I don’t know him, if it was me, I’d really appreciate someone sending jovial messages, rather than maudlin, (though sincere), best wishes.

    Stay safe sister.

    • julieanneda July 14, 2015 at 7:07 pm #

      Thanks Max, he did and I appreciate your comment, feels like I’m being both heard and understood.
      I tend to question everything: I find the thought trains that accompany questioning a comfort, certainties seem so *rigid*

  3. traveller47 July 14, 2015 at 9:18 pm #

    I have often asked myself that question Julie-Anne, especially when I have lost somebody I cared for. I came to the conclusion that perhaps I was thinking more about ME losing somebody than of the person themselves. It’s a really difficult subject….but then you do keep bringing up difficult subjects making us think when we much prefer that warm cotton woolly felling of lethargy.

    • julieanneda July 14, 2015 at 9:21 pm #

      Thank you Stephen, you know me: question everything, especially yourself 😊

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

We won! But the battle's not over

Once a nurses' countdown to the 2014 Victorian election, now a periodic blog on matters health, union, social justice, and the occasional random rant

JimHind

Where discussion starts.....

thechattyzebra

Discovering we don't think inside the box or outside the box. We don't even know where the box is

Embrace The Brace

How To Live With Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Discordant Daydream

A vent of life's problems and delights

Grenfell Action Group

Working to defend and serve the Lancaster West community

gardeninacity

Notes from a wildlife-friendly cottage garden

Vox Political

politics for the people

Destined2Roam

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it

analiensaturn

the daily planet,

nodighome

no dig gardening, seasonal cooking, permaculture, preserving, foraging, storing, crafting, home life

Digging Deep

The Green Prescription Allotment

Disappointed Idealist

Ranting from the chalkface

Wildlife & Eco Gardens

Bringing nature to life

Dogwooddays

Life and the Garden

This little life of mine.

Living the nightmare with a smile on my face.

ALT-POLITICS

Politics For The People

rogerfrancis

Changing Lives Through Learning

Unconventionally "normal"

Chronic illness blog to educate the world

Bert Fulks

Fall. Surrender. Restore. Rise. Repeat.

@PoliceGuvnor - The realities of policing

Follow me on Twitter or Facebook @PoliceGuvnor

Stop Deforestation

Deforestation. Endangered Species.

Graham Wettone

Policing Commentator

The Patchwork Banana

life, love, nature, musings

Square Cop In A Round World

A former cop taking on tough subjects

In Saner Thought

"It is the duty of every man, as far as his ability extends, to detect and expose delusion and error"..Thomas Paine

Cops Against

Find Your Voice

The Secret Barrister

Independent Blogger of the Year, The Comment Awards 2016

Burn Punk London

Just another WordPress.com site

ianchisnall

My views on current issues

F.I.N.E.

Fucked In-pain Neurotic etc

The Hippy Geek

One woman's experience of balancing nature and nerd.

The Militant Negro™

Poetry. Politics. Food. Art. Thoughts. Ideas. Opinions. Facts. Truth.

Depressed Detective

30 Year old UK Police Detective, with some Depression, Anxiety and Insomnia issues.

BSC Policing Network

Connecting Policing Researchers In The UK And Beyond

Gem's Things

My Things: stuff I've bought, things I've done, food I've eaten and places I've stayed.

Dave Throup

Environment Agency Manager for Herefordshire and Worcestershire

finnmackay

Feminist activist & researcher.

prisonscrew

Just another WordPress.com site

Britain Isn't Eating

The Tory Govn, killing the unemployed, the poor, vulnerable, sick & disabled since 2010.

%d bloggers like this: