#Blackdog

2 Jun

Image

Many of us know someone who suffers from depression, we may not always realise it though.  I am one of those people.  Depression is often referred to as a black dog.  It can at times feel as though a large hound is sat on your chest pinning you to your negative thoughts.  I would dispute that it is always the same black dog, for me there seem to be a variety of them that appear at different times for different reasons, ranging from little terriers that worry at the back of the mind to a large hound that feel as if  outweighs my very soul.

I have learned to recognise each of these dog’s characters and how to deal with them in the best way that I can.  It always begins with a detached retreat deep within myself to discover which it is and how best to deal with it for I know it will pass.  It may take hours, it may take days or even weeks but it will go.

Most people would not even know when this is happening to me as I am good at functioning in different spheres, keeping the plates spinning in order to survive. I learnt how to do this the hard way.  I have in the past been completely incapacitated by it’s strength and depth.

This post is not really about me, it is about how do *we* deal with someone who is extremely unhappy or depressed.

The most tempting course of action is to try and *fix* the person.  All the best intentions in the world and often trying to cheer someone up can be the right thing to try.  What about advice?  “snap out of it!”  “there are plenty of people worse off than you”  “get a grip” all things that seem to come into our heads even if they don’t make it off our tongues!  If the person in question rejects our advice or seems to get further out of reach it can be tempting to go through a whole repertoire of strategies getting ourselves more and more mired in indignation that the *other* is not listening or *trying* to help themselves, we have made it about *us* and not *them*.  None of this is helpful to either person!  It seems so obvious but often the last thing from our minds to just be still and listen, even if  all we are listening to is the sound of silence.

If it is someone you know well you could try asking them when they are ok  how they would like you to be when the cycle hits them.  It is a good starting point!  Some people want to be pursued and coaxed out.  Some want to be left alone.  Everyone is different, but their needs have to be considered.  It may be just giving a bit of space.

When someone we care about is already in that spiral before we’ve had the chance to ask it is harder.  All you can really do is convey that you care and be there with them either physically or metaphorically.  The last thing they need is meaningless platitudes or insincere comments.  If you cannot do those things without making it about you the best thing you can do is back away.

The best healer is time… give that

NB:  if its me send music! 😉

Jules xx

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Read After Burnout

Adventures in Everyday Madness

Duckweed Gardening

Sustainable backyard production of duckweed for feed, fuel, and fertilizer

Walthamstow Wetlands Steve

Community Engagement for London Wildlife Trust

Morgan S. Ray

Breaking The Rules

EDS and Chronic Pain News & Info

Research and articles related to Chronic Pain from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome & Fibromyalgia

TalkPolitics

Reshaping Our Democracy

The Fibro Guy

Putting an end to Fibromyalgia

Dramatic Debi

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Pain Pals

My family & friends living with me.....and chronic illness

craftyinsomniac

A disabled insomniac who crafts!!!!

susanlarsonauthor

The pretty good books of Susan Larson

We won! But the battle's not over

Once a nurses' countdown to the 2014 Victorian election, now a periodic blog on matters health, union, social justice, and the occasional random rant

JimHind

Where discussion starts.....

thechattyzebra

Discovering we don't think inside the box or outside the box. We don't even know where the box is

Embrace The Brace

How To Live With Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Discordant Daydream

A vent of life's problems and delights

Grenfell Action Group

Working to defend and serve the Lancaster West community

gardeninacity

Notes from a wildlife-friendly cottage garden

Vox Political

politics for the people

Destined2Roam

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it

analiensaturn

the daily planet,

nodighome

no dig gardening, seasonal cooking, permaculture, preserving, foraging, storing, crafting, home life

Digging Deep

The Green Prescription Allotment

Disappointed Idealist

Ranting from the chalkface

Compassionate Roots

Bringing nature to life

Dogwooddays

Life and the Garden

This little life of mine.

Living the nightmare with a smile on my face.

ALT-POLITICS

Politics For The People

rogerfrancis

Changing Lives Through Learning

Unconventionally "normal"

On a one woman mission to educate the world on chronic and invisible illnesses and disabilities. Here to support who ever needs it!

Bert Fulks

Fall. Surrender. Restore. Rise. Repeat.

@PoliceGuvnor - The realities of policing

Follow me on Twitter @PoliceGuvnor

Stop Deforestation

Deforestation. Endangered Species.

Graham Wettone

Policing Commentator

The Patchwork Banana

life, love, nature, musings

Square Cop In A Round World

A former cop taking on tough subjects

In Saner Thought

"It is the duty of every man, as far as his ability extends, to detect and expose delusion and error"..Thomas Paine

Cops Against

Find Your Voice

The Secret Barrister

Independent Blogger of the Year, The Comment Awards 2016 & 2017

Burn Punk London

Just another WordPress.com site

ianchisnall

My views on current issues

%d bloggers like this: